The birth of a Queen...

It was a standard Friday night Queens Ents bop.  Lent term, first year. We'd been pre drinking for hours, and as we turned up at Queens College an hour early pissed out our heads, we knew that it was going to be an interesting night.  Slowly, the event started to fill up.  I’m not exactly sure how we made contact.  But I'm sure it was him who first set eyes upon me.  I froze.  I didn’t know what to do.  Surrounded by my friends I was conscious that I had to act completely normal if I was to avoid arousing suspicion.  But something inside me stirred.  It was the direct attention he was giving me.  I was loving it.  Those big brown eyes, the full lips, and the stocky physique.  I wanted to succumb to his demands right there and then.  And when I want something that bad, I don’t let anything get in the way of me getting it.  My vodka induced confidence grew and I wanted to let him know that tonight I was his.  I persuaded my friends to come to the bar and get some more drinks, close to where he was standing, so that I could get closer to him, offer him some more eye contact, and brush my hand against his ass as we walked by.  I still get the warm feeling when I think about it now.  His ass felt great and as I caressed it, he turned his head so that we were face to face, only centimetres apart, and I wanted to kiss him right there.  It lasted only a brief second, but to me at that time, this was a big step.  I was venturing into the unknown, and I was riding a high. 

Time at the party passed, and soon I found myself amidst the packed dancefloor.  They were playing drum and bass, which I hate, but in our intoxicated state, the group of us were just glad not to be burning the midnight oil in our rooms essay writing.  Then, in the corner of my eye I saw the mysterious boy enter the room. We held eye contact as we danced on opposite sides of the room, until about ten minutes later when he motioned for me to meet him near the bar.  I did so, ensuring that I was out of sight of my group of friends.  He introduced himself, and for the purposes of this book we will call him Matt.  He was from Downing College, and so from that moment on, I would always think of him as ‘Downing boy’.  He handed me a small piece of paper and squeezed my hand whilst doing so.  ‘I am either going to get a big kiss or get punched in the face right now’ he said.  He then asked me what my name was to which I replied and he told me, rather loudly, that he thought I was ‘really cute’, attracting the glances, and frowns, of dancers nearby.  At that point, reality kicked in and I made muttered some quick excuses and hurried through the crowd back to my friends, who were completely oblivious.  I never saw him at Queens’s again, but as we moved on to Spoons’ at about midnight, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  So I texted him and we arranged to meet outside his college. 

I told my friends I was going out to get some air and sneaked out of Spoons without causing a scene.  We rushed inside the college grounds to avoid being seen and found a secluded bench under the trees in Downing gardens.  He proceeded to ask me questions about myself and my sexuality, as well as explain the situation he found himself in after having outed himself to his family and his religous community.  However, there was only so much talking I could take.  My legs were shaking as I was so nervous, but I suddenly moved in for a kiss.  His lips were so soft and as his tongue delved into my mouth to meet mine it felt euphoric.  I felt a momentous rush to suddenly do everything I had dreamed of doing for months, maybe years.  So as his soft hand caressed my cheek i moved mine quickly down from his strong chest to his manly thighs.  I was getting turned on and could feel my erect cock pressing against my boxers, bursting to get out of my jeans.  So I slid my hand from his thigh to his crotch.  I was very impressed.  I could feel the outline of a throbbing hard cock, big by anyones standards, and I proceeded to rub it up and down.  His breathing got heavier.  We were caught up in the moment, that was until he pulled my hand away.  I was confused.  Had I moved too fast?  Had I scared him away? ‘Woah’ he said, and then explained that he wasn’t interested in just sex.  I have to admit that I felt a bit rejected, and this gave the kick back to reality that I needed.  I explained that I needed to get back to my friends.  Matt asked me to stay a little longer, but I had made up my mind.  I was already getting more and more paranoid by the second, and as I looked through the trees to the college buildings, the small windows lit up told me that it was time to go before I was seen.  When I reached Spoons, a couple of friends remarked that I had been a while, they asked whether I was ok, but then the moment passed and I rejoined the group long into the night, with Downing boy never far from my mind. 

Over the next couple of weeks, Matt continued to try and contact me by text and by adding me on facebook.  I was freaked out at what had happened and made a pact with myself that it would never happen again.  Cambridge was a very small place, and over the course of nervous conversation that evening, Matt had told me that he had some very good friends at my college.  I was paranoid that he would tell them what had happened, and that I would be exposed, possibly losing my closest friends.  I didn’t know what to do.  Should I keep him sweet or should I just cut him out of my life for good?  I decided that at some point I would have to cut off contact from him, so I blocked his number on my phone and ignored his friend request on facebook.  This didn’t stop me worrying though, and for the next  few weeks at least I was petrified that my life as I knew it was soon to be over.  Over the next couple of years I would see Downing boy around the city quite abit, but everytime I would look the other way, out of embarrassment and the fear that somehow one of our mutual friends would see me acknowledging him and instantly question any friendship that we had, given that he had openly outed himself.  However, I have to admit that the euphoric feeling I experienced whilst kissing him and stroking his cock is something that has stayed in my mind ever since, and many times I have taken myself back to that situation mentally whilst giving myself some hand party.